A Strange (but Continuing) Divine Colloquy: Some suspect bipolarity (but they’d be wrong)
Anu, a primal deity antithetical to Yahweh (some call him An), still has at least some followers, although perhaps, they’d fit comfortably in an antique telephone booth. Well, antique thousands of years after Anu lost favor (the latter observation is frequently made by Yahweh). Still, Anu, Anshar’s son, seemingly enjoys toying with Yahweh, enjoys taunting him, especially since he taunts him from within Yahweh’s mind, a place even Yahweh cannot reach or erase (as he has erased so many other things).
What an awesome sort of hiding place. Yahweh knows that Anu is somewhere in his mind but his mind is so convoluted and filled with fantasies, contradictions and psychological complexes that it’s impossible to find anything there. It frustrates Yahweh constantly and causes him almost as many migraine headaches as do the constant prayers of his subjects. Damned whiners! Well, most of them are damned anyway. Predestination.
“Damned”, thunders Yahweh, as another unsolicited message escapes from deep within his restless and feckless ethosphere:
“ So, …” taunts Anu, “you’ve seemingly come a long way from your metal working days Yah (a sort of nickname Anu uses to annoy Yahweh), but back then you were pretty much a straight arrow, albeit with a metal head. A “metal-head”. Get it!!! Wow. But look at you now. A long time since your “Yaldabaoth” days. Or even your days as one of my cousin El’s 70 club, albeit a pretty junior member of that exalted group.”
Annoyed, Yahweh responds to the conversation in what would have been his head, had he one: “Shut up!!! Lalalalalalala? I don’t hear you!! And, anyway, you don’t exist, at least not any longer. Who worships you now???”
Anu laughs, although not with real mirth, rather in a sort of teasing parody: “ Well, yeah, you’ve been pretty thorough wiping out the old gang but regardless of whether or not anyone else remembers me, I’m in your head. Always have been, always will be.”
“Always, always will be” Anu snickers in a sort of sing song, repeating himself. “And I know, even if most others have forgotten, that you and Yaldabaoth are one and the same. Yaldabaoth, Yaldabaoth, Yaldabaoth, Yaldabaoth!!!! I like that name even more than Yah! “
“Damned agnostics!!!” responds Yahweh. “ And when I say ‘damned’, they’re damned and they stay damned, damn it!!!!”
Anu laughs.
“Shut up!!!” shouts Yahweh, although an observer might wonder at whom he was shouting. “ Lalalalalalala? I don’t hear you!”
“ So” says Anu, “ I hear that all those old propaganda texts you had written for your exaltation are being taken apart by humans who claim that they’re obviously incoherent and, … well …, full of male bovine feces. And that trend seems to be resonating as their fallacies become more and more clear. You may be joining us sooner than you think and I’m pretty sure you’ll not find your welcome all that satisfying. “
Red in the face (or he would have been, had he a face) and sneezing thunder, Yahweh petulantly replies, full of contrived confidence but in a manner reminiscent of recently deceased Tommy Smothers: “Oh yeah!!!!” He then launches into a sort of diatribe, although at whom, an observer would not know (although some might venture a guess):
“My faithful followers, and they are legion, especially in the United States and Palestine, errr, I mean Israel, will never, ever, ever, ever change their minds about me, no matter what facts say. Facts can’t really speak you know, and they’re easily buried in metaphorically ineffable mysticism where contradictions don’t matter, in fact, they’re cool. Contradictions make me even more credible. … Or else!”
Anu was the father of Enlil, grandfather of Nanna and great-grandfather of Inanna, also, the great-great grandfather of Bilgamesh whose name Yahweh’s followers and others had perverted to “Gilgamesh”. They enjoyed perversions, many perversions, myriad perversions, albeit usually they enjoyed them subtly, and quickly and loudly denied and attributed them to their victims if discovered. They were good at that. They had an awesome example.
Lately Anu has been reading a book (a quaint habit he’d picked up millennia ago), a book by someone named Neil Gaiman, a book about a battle between elder divinities seeking to return to prominence and a new group of divine wannabees. It reminded Anu of the sort of successful revolt Yahweh had managed to orchestrate when he overthrew his dad, the Canaanite god El, and along with him a great many of the other divinities native to what humans had taken to calling the Middle East (although cardinal directions make no sense, being spherical). Yahweh had tried to wipe out all other divinities and had, to an extent, appeared to succeed, but the Hindus at least had defied him and many others, including Anu, had merely gone into seclusion. And others had confused him. And now, a growing number of humans were rejecting the concept of any divinities at all. Not good that, thought Anu, finding himself uncomfortably in agreement with Yahweh.
Anu wondered on whose side that fellow Gaiman was. Evidently his book had been perverted by an outfit called, of all things, Amazon, which had sort of converted Gaiman’s book into an audiovisual format. That made Anu think of Yahweh and his adherents. They loved to pervert things. He wondered if they were involved with that Amazon project. “ Could be” he reflected. “ Could be.”
That Gaiman fellow had some interesting ideas in his book on how to revive dormant deities. Anu was studying it to see if he could somehow emulate some of the characters involved. Of course, that would be difficult from his current habitat in Yahweh’s mind. Yahweh was too paranoid to sleep. Anu would have to find some way to provoke and trick him. If only Bilgamesh were around. Or Inanna, or any of the old gang.
Maybe they were, …
Somewhere.
If only he could contact a friendly trickster deity like that Anansi Gaiman seemed to worship.
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© Guillermo Calvo Mahé; Manizales, 2024; all rights reserved. Please feel free to share with appropriate attribution. Guillermo (“Bill”) Calvo Mahé (a sometime poet) is a writer, political commentator and academic currently residing in the Republic of Colombia (although he has primarily lived in the United States of America of which he is also a citizen). Until 2017 he chaired the political science, government and international relations programs at the Universidad Autónoma de Manizales. He is currently the publisher of the Inannite Review, available at Substack.com, a commentator on Radio Guasca FM, and an occasional contributor to the regional magazine, el Observador. He has academic degrees in political science (the Citadel), law (St. John’s University), international legal studies (New York University) and translation and linguistic studies (the University of Florida’s Center for Latin American Studies). However, he is also fascinated by mythology, religion, physics, astronomy and mathematics, especially with matters related to quanta and cosmogony. He can be contacted at guillermo.calvo.mahe@gmail.com and much of his writing is available through his blog at https://guillermocalvo.com/.
Originally published at http://guillermocalvo.com on March 11, 2024.
